Queen Ten

The scene: Shit's Creek, a very tight table full of good players. (Except for me, of course. I'm obviously the fish at the table. Everyone's being very nice to me, and I've already rebought twice.)

The hand: under the gun, I look down at QT off-suit. Crap.

See, my poker coach, Beast, has a thing about Queen-Ten. In fact, he's rather obsessed with it.

"You'll never see a hand lose bigger than QT," he blathers. "When you make two pair, you get beaten by a straight; when you make top pair, your kicker sucks, blah blah blah blah blah," he drones on. "Don't play QT, Donkette," he admonishes. "Especially out of position!!" he cries, attempting to recapture my attention when it's clear that I'm not listening.

Beast believes he's identified a new poker pitfall. All the books warn about jacks, ace-rag, low pairs; nobody else, Beast believes, has fully caught on to the perils of QT.

The thing is, he could be right. Beast is irritating, but he's also fairly smart.

Back to the hand. I know I should listen to Beast's voice in my head. But it's so annoying! What's so wrong with QT? Who wouldn't want to be a queen AND a ten? Or, better yet, a queen WITH a ten?

Shut the fuck up, Beast! You're not here to see me being stupid, anyway. What if I can limp in? That wouldn't be so bad. Beast always tells the other players at the table, "think of all the dumb things you spend $4 on." It always gets them to call. So I call.

Nobody raises! Hooray! Six players limp in. I thank the poker gods again that Beast isn't here. He always raises.

The flop: A-J-K rainbow. No, I'm not joking! I couldn't believe it at first, either. What to do??

I check. Lucky for me, I think my look of total confusion is mistaken for a miss. The player to my left makes a pot-sized bet of $20. Everyone folds around to me. I call.

The turn: 5 of hearts. Two hearts on the board now. I check. Other player bets $40. I hear Beast in my head, "raise, Donkette, raise!" Do I really have Broadway? I check my cards again. What could other guy have? Maybe he has the same hand. I raise.

"Okay, I'm all in." Yikes! He's all-in for $220 more!

I check my cards again. I can't believe this is happening. I've got just over $100 left I can push in. Am I really going to win this giant pot with QT?

I take a deep breath. "I call."

Cards flipped. River a blank. Other player has two pair -- A5. QT beats Ace-rag!

How do you like QT now, Beast?